May your love live on forever

F cancer.. for real. It claimed yet another body, yet never took Dede’s spirit. Every single day I could count on her popping up in my feed declaring that cancer had no power over her as she rocked awesome wigs and blasted away any negativity with her infectious smile.

No matter what she was going through, she persevered in love and had love pouring out her pores. So in honor of this remarkable woman who wouldn’t let anything get or keep her down, let us always look to the silver lining of life… let us always find a reason to smile… let us always find a reason to be an inspiration to others because Dede would want us to continue her legacy of love and determination and strength. 

It’s ok to shed a few tears… we lost a beautiful soul… 

But remember she would want us celebrating eating good food, being surrounded by our loved ones, and looking fabulous no matter how we feel on the inside.
Gone… but never ever forgotten. ❤

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I Love You

love flame heart
A lot of people don’t know this…bc I don’t really share it.
During Christmas of 2010 we were living in the south and my only sister wanted us to go visit her in New York.
The weather was bad, so I told her we would make the trip in the spring.
And on January 4th 2011…
My sister was called to Heaven.
There are no words that make that loss seem less hurtful.
And maybe some would say that I…
Would be right in never celebrating any holiday again.
But am reminded at how much she loved me.
How she loved everyone.
If I could give you all a gift it would be this…
Moments are temporary…
Then they are memories.
Do not leave room in your life for regret.
Do not allow the idea that you have less than other ppl destroy you.
Appreciate every moment…
Every breath…and smile
Knowing you too are loved.
I hope each and everyone of you know
How much you mean to me and our family.
I wish you a happy holiday filled with light and love.
I love you all.

Worth The Wait

He tells you he loves you and you’re the only one

How all the girls are having sex and it’s fun

You believe him and give in to temptation at will

Now everyone knows and that makes you ill

Broken promises and heartbreak after sex too soon

Abstinence is the goal, don’t let peer pressure fool you

Your body is a temple, treat it with care

Every girl isn’t having sex, let’s make that clear

Education and goals are the key

Once an adult and married, enjoy your husband blissfully

Enough

You and I fuss and fight constantly

And it’s draining all of my energy

Our relationship use to have so much stability

Fearful of this emotional roller coaster and where it’s taking me

 

To dark places I’ve never been before

Like when your hands were wrapped around my neck

My world became black and death was near my door

Blood vessels broken in both eyes

 

No apology…had me at the ER lying

To my family, friends, and staff

I should be ashamed of myself…defending your secrets

Of violent tantrums you always take out of me

 

I’ve had enough of this pain being inflicted on me

It’s time to stop you once and for all

DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?!!!

Even if I remain a prisoner surrounded by four walls

 

 

The Power of Emotions

Love is a verb…people tend to forget

Quickly to speak it…not meaning it

Not realizing how it will affect

The other person…playing on their emotions

And once the façade is revealed, the heart is broken

The tears are overflowing and one blames themselves

The heart is no longer in despair…anger takes over

Followed by rage and vengeance

The mind has lost its stability

To comprehend the actions that lies ahead

And physically hurt the liar for their pain

It’s too late…the damage is done

The broken hearted is no longer the victim

But is labeled as legally insane

Detained from the ones who truly love them

Because of three powerful words

That people always use in vain

I LOVE YOU!!!!

 

 

Victory

Some days are good and some days are bad

As I reflect on the time spent living in the past

Being bitter, angry, unforgiving, and miserable

I end up hurting the people around me whom intentions are genuine

Do they deserve my wrath of anger I give them

And once I’ve realize my wrongdoings, I beg for forgiveness

Quinniece, darling, what could make you be this way?

You are an intelligent and beautiful lady what more can I say

 

As I look into the mirror to my surprise

Standing before me was a woman who has lost her stride

NO MORE as I shouted and broke the mirror into pieces

My past will not become my future and get the best of me

Dusting myself off as I pray to God above

God please enter my heart and fill it again with love

Joy, Forgiveness, Happiness, and Care

And let the beautiful, strong woman within come and declare….her VICTORY!

Talks From Within

I’m making myself sick.

You’re a parasite

I’m more tired.

I’m scared.

I’m sad.

I’ve been wearing multiple masks on top just to hide the one I constantly wear because I am hurt & miss you.

So I just smile in everyone’s face but inside I feel like I’m dying.


Is it really worth it?

Is he really the one you can see yourself with?

He played you already; do you actually want to be the face of embarrassment again?

If he wants to go let him go.

Once he’s gone he’ll realize what he had but by then it’ll be to late.

Maybe it’s time to cut off life for a couple days. No cellphone at all.

How about you find someone to get under so you can get over him?!

You are crazy if you think that you are going to be the one he actually goes back to.

If he comes back to you it’s only gonna be because he’s having issues with her.

Don’t let him come back.

He made you look like a fucking fool in front of everyone and put so much stress on you that no one could even recognize you.

He’s having a baby on your ass but he told you it was a mistake…

So because it was a mistake you wanna be all forgiveful?

C’mon son.

I was there when he wasn’t and I helped you up when he threw you down and put your face on the pavement.

So please listen to me and try to do what’s best for you but don’t lose yourself or forget what happened.

You deserve better than what was done to you and I don’t wanna see you in the hospital or worse because of him.


Fuck You for cheating on me. Fuck you for reducing it to the word cheating. As if this were a card game, and you sneaked a look at my hand. Who came up with the term cheating, anyway? A cheater, I imagine. Someone who thought liar was too harsh. Someone who thought devastator was too emotional. The same person who thought, oops, he’d gotten caught with his hand in the cookie jar. Fuck you. This isn’t about slipping yourself an extra twenty dollars of Monopoly money. These are our lives. You went and broke our lives. You are so much worse than a cheater. You killed something. And you killed it when its back was turned.

– David Levithan

Gratitude

purple tree tops

Sometimes when I write about gratitude
It can be confused with being unrealistic
We jokingly call it my rainbows and unicorn talk
But the truth is that I…
Not unlike many of you
Have dealt with very difficult circumstances
I have taken things for granted
I have wasted time
On bitterness or anger
Until one day…
Some one I loved very much…
Stopped breathing
I have forgotten to be thankful for the small things
Like walking…talking…
Until at one time those things had been taken away …
temporarily
So when I write about gratitude…
Do not confuse it with someone who doesn’t understand
Heartache
Grief
Violence
Sadness or
Illness…
But think of it as it is intended…
From someone who loves you enough
To remind you
That every moment of the day…
I never fail to be grateful
For the very divine way we were brought together
Most of us have never physically met
Yet my heart is with you during your hardships…
I cry with you when you are hurting
And I know how hard things can be for you…
But having said all of that….
Let me also remind you…
How very grateful I am that today
At this very moment…
When you breathed in deeply…
That your breath…
Was waiting for you
I do love you so…

Less

teardrop

After my sister passed away
I had to deal with more pain
Than I had ever known
Not physical pain…I had become accustomed to that
But REAL heart break
And almost like a 6 year old
I decided I had dealt with enough…
And i just wasn’t equipped enough
Not strong enough
It was too hard
I literally threw a temper tantrum in my mind
But the thing was…
Whether I was ready or not
Whether it made me sad or not
It was here…
I had no choice
I remember talking to her around New Years Eve…
As I often do…since she passed
Telling her….I hate this
I wanted to see her
To touch her face…
And she said to me…while laughing
Have you ever loved anyone that you couldn’t touch?
Of course…everyone has
She said….do u love them less?
Of course not…but this isn’t the same
I want to be able to see you…
She reminded me that the kind of love we have now
Is the first kind of love we ever felt
Its unconditional…
It is not determined by man
Nor his/her physical needs
She said it will always be here for you
You can never undo it
No matter what choices you make…
I will always have my hands on your shoulders
She reminded me of the way I loved most people I know
And this was it…
Completely…without expectation…
I am thankful for those moments…
It reminded me of where i am supposed to be
Not for others…
But for my ancestors…
Love without expectation…
And you will never be disappointed
I miss you Melissa …
But I am not capable of loving you less….

Running

purple tear drop
You cannot run away
We tell children this all the time
I know I was told that
It took me a long time to listen
I ran from an abuser
I ran from a cheater
I ran from a stigma that claimed
I wasn’t good enough
Too Light
Too Dark
Too thick
Too Skinny
Too Smart
Not Smart enough
I ran…
I ran from a date
A moment in time
A moment that changed my present
I ran from a memory
I ran
And ran
And ran
Until one day I realized
I took all of these things with me
My insecurities
My fear
My battered and tattered heart
Until the day when
I decided…
To be still
And be my OWN blessing
Pat my own back
Love myself…
Because until we learn that
You Alone Are Enough…
We will always be running…
From something…